Ah wor skennin’ in a plumber’s winder
As Ah traipsed along on t’street
When me een wor caught wi’ a breet display
O’ t’latest bathroom suite.
T’colour wor sooart o’ pinky puce,
T’taps wor gowd an’ t’bath wor rahnd
By ‘eck it wor a stunner!
It cost a thahsand pahnd!
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Wesh basin wor shaped like a scallop shell
Deep enuf ter sink a fleet in,
Ther wor t’toilet, an’ summat Ah cudn’t mek out
Ah think it were ter wesh yer feet in!
Ah thowt ‘ow this luxury aw’ could be mine
If nobbut Ah ‘ad the dough,
An’ Ah smiled as Ah thowt o’ t’contrast
Wi’ bathneets o’ long ago.
Frida’ neets, Mam’d mek t’fire up
Wi’ plenty o’ wood an’ coil,
Fill up t’big pans wi’ watter
An’ set ‘em on ter boil.
Then, out o’ t’wesh-house she’d fetch t’tin bath
An’ set it on t’owd pegged rug,
Then each on us bairns’d be lathered in turn,
In t’kitchen ser warm an’ snug.
Clean ‘jamas wor waitin’ on t’oven dooar,
As we splashed an’ laiked in t’tub,
‘Til Mam’d say, “Let’s be ‘avin’ yer!
It’s tahm fer a rub-a-dub-dub!”
Then, cocoa an’ parkin curled up bi t’fire,
In a sleepy, shinin’ glow.
Aye! Ah’d swap aw them fancy bathroom suites
Fer a bathneet o’ long ago!
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